Never give up on someone you can't go a day without thinking about...

Decided to give updating another go, cos i'm waiting while sam is making me enchiladas - which smell delicious BTW. So we signed the lease today which is cool - we get the keys on thursday - yay!! Am totally looking forward to sleepin in my own bed - should be good!!

Aldo caught up with my sister today - shes in town for 24 hours and it was soooo nice. we had a fun day shopping and stuff...sorta made me miss home a lil bit more - but i think it'll be alright when i can get settled in a house and stuff.

Anyways i'm done for now cos i wanna laugh at BB.

LOL Sam just set off the smoke alarm!!

Off to dinner

long time no post.

WE HAVE A HOUSE.

in melb.

post proper later

Happy Mothers Day Mum!!! I'm gonna miss you while i'm away!!!

P.S Everyone else - see you in three weeks...

Happy May!!

Only 8 days start holidays.

Only 11 days til i jump on a plane to find Kev...

Man now i just need to sleep!!

I am such a cadbury - i decided i'd have a vodka to help me get in the mood to clean my room - but instead i've lost my legs - how lame  - 1 vodka and my legs are gone!!!

*sigh*

Needless to say i'm not really in the mood to clean - but sleep would be nice.

I'm going out with Em to lunch tom before she goes home to Townsville tom - which'll be sad. That and i gotta get my grandmas pressie engraved since its her birthday tom - i should also buy her flowers or something....

Anyways.

I thought i better mention the reason why i needed motivation to clean - usually i'm not too bad when my room gets bad enough - but i was about to pick up my jacket when i realised that there was a big spider on it and so went all the motivation to clean and also the motivation to sleep in my room - but i did get the confidence to kill the bastard.

Anyways

Good night all.

Logged onto livejournal - hoping that i'd have some updates to read but alas there was just one - which sam had told me the story of already...So decided i need more friends so i have shit to read.

Took Sam to the airport about 5 hours agoish - and already I'm sittin here goin i feel like a coffee - but the only person crazy enough to drag themselves back out of there pjs and come with is sam - an its not half as fun going alone - *sigh*

On another depressing note - i think there was something up with the food dad made for lunch - i'm gettin some cramping and some gastro like symptoms :( - lets count on it being gone by the morning - what i wouldn't give for some Maxalon right now...

I'm also sorta freaking out right now - i think its got to do with my family all being round today - they have that effect on me occasionally.

Anyways 2 weeks tomorrow i fly out on my holiday and i have been bloody looking forward to the break so i can leave everything behind and then come home and begin sorting my shit out...pity its not gonna be summer and sitting by the beach might be a bit odd....who am i kiddin i'll be doing it anyways!!

*sigh* postsecret aint updated yet either...

I'm gonna try and get some sleep...if its gonna be possible tonight - it's not looking promising.

I come home from shopping to find a box sitting in my room. Now i ask myself two questions - 1) who put this box in my room, they must want me out more than I thought they did? and 2) what do i put in the box?

Decided to play with the latter of the two...looks a good size for my dvd collection...well some of it...but if i pack it will i then wanna watch them?? Maybe i should leave it open....

Another note: I bought the cutest boots today!!!!

I'm over it, at some point I need a definitive answer and this whole not knowing sucks!!!

Ahhhh the more you freak about it the more I do.... which at least means we are making sure its the right decision...and i think i'm getting used to the idea...excitied even, but still i'm freaking a big bit! I also decided that if we go it'll be fun and if we stay it will also be cool. But still a little bit of me is freaking cos if we go its such a big change and that will take some getting used to, but i think we'll be ok. I'm scared that I wont find a job like the one i have now - in terms of my manager being soo cool really understanding - but if we go it opens up opportunity....*sigh*

Very confused....

So its 5 weeks until we venture off to our Kev Hunt in the Eastern States...which could be a problem cos he's currently overseas and there's talk of him going again soon....but I guess the fun part is the hunt and if we don't find him - I'm not too fussed.

I'm cleaning my room right now - as you can see by the fact i'm on the net I'm doing a good job!

So Melbourne....should be fun and something different.

The flu sucks - although feeling a little better today - just a chesty cough and sore throat now - with the occasional headache.

I wanna go to the movie's today, wonder if there's anything decent on....

Feeling lonely right now....not really sure why cos i'm sick and wrapped up in bed...except for while I'm typing cos I'm over being sick atm - the last few weeks have sucked big time. I feel so lousy and yet I'm more concerned that right now i wanna do something but i can't be bothered getting my act together so feel lonely instead.

Back to work tommorrow...3 days til my appt - I'm worried its all gonna be bad news and that things aren't as simple as I keep telling people they are - I tell people its pretty straight forward - I think I'm trying to convince myself so I don't have to deal with the fact that I might be wrong and its not clear and easy and that there's more to it. Its not really working - but am trying.

Did I mention this sucks.

I'd rather be perusing Melbourne with Sam, but am stuck in cold wet Perth, feeling lousy and not wanting to venture out of bed tom to go to work.

Life's a Bitch right now, as if hospital two weeks ago wasn't enough - lets give me a cold/flu...

Pleasant Dreams.

...why am I so nervous now? I don't wanna go, the thought of it is making my stomach churn.

I said I wanted to go alone - but I lied.

SO

I go back to work tomorrow after 12 days off - don't really wanna go back - which has been made worse by an incessant headache that has taken residence at my temples the last 48 hours and nothing seems to shift it. That and i just don't wanna.

I saw Jess today also - she got back from her holiday last weekish - I filled her in on the hospital thing and stuff - being a nurse she looked up info re:my heart condition and was like "OMG i dont know what to say - its kinda scary hey?" and i was like "yeah, but mum keeps telling me to put in into perspective - i dont have a major case" But i ask - how can you put something into perspective which literally has been playing on your mind for days? Before I'd had an episode it was easy cos it had never been a problem - but its different now. I've got to make heaps of changes and well being honest I wish this info ( 1 or 2 ) had been avaliable 10 years ago when i was diagnosed - back then there was very little - maybe i should've looked it up since then - but didn't, so just didn't know (soooo my bad). So I haven't had a coffee for 9 days, no alcohol for 9 days, I've had three meals a day for 9 days, I've had proper sleep for 9 days...I'm sure there's more but my head really hurts.

I also had a chat with Lucy today that I need to relay to Sam cos its pretty important - but he's sleeping so I'm hoping he reads this and call's me on his lunch break before i have to start work at 1300 tom *HINT HINT* (she has given me permission to chat it with you btw).

And thats it for tonight.

Consider my vent over.

Decided I prefer to be the nurse not the patient, cos being the patient sucks. However being a patient at the hospital you work definently has its advantages! Anyways so I'm home from my stay in hospital, it was only a night but damn was i tired. Was/Am pissed off with my doctor cos she was on the ward at about 1000ish but didn't see me until 1830 yesterday night - and she knew i didn't want ti stay in the first place and would want to be going home. Anyways - i feel alot better now that I've slept and I'm still spiking temps of 38+ they like to have the temp below 37.5 if possible - but s'all good cos i'm waiting on some blood results re:the  same anyways.

But looks like the fun is just beginning cos I have to have a couple more tests and see her in 3-4 weeks where she'll decide if i need medications and shes talking bout an implant to monitor my heart (but i'll be saying no, for a few reasons). On the note of tests I had an Echo-cardiogram which is an ultrasound of the heart and if you haven't had one it involves you being topless and braless and someone ultrasounding different places around the heart - I had ther hottest guy doing mine!! Man he was so damn fine and really nice he explained it all to me - and on the even better plus side -  my heart is appreantly normal in terms of structure (yes Sam I do have a heart).

So now the question is - will the person doing my stress test be just as fine??

Anyway that is my exciting story for the day, I think i might go and drop my med cert into work and get that all out of the ways so i can sit back and enjoy my sick and stress leave!

So its back to work tomorrow - my three day weekend has been awesome - but i'm not ready for work tom. I just want another day to sit and watch tv and chill out cos it sure doesn't feel like i have - although i know i have - i feel exhausted.

So going for coffee to drown the sorrows etc...that and i haven't had coffee since Sam made me one....i think it was saturday and todays monday - which btw is an acheivement!!! (not that I"m addicted or anything)

Excited bout my holiday although i know its like 90 days away - its something to look forward too. That and I'm looking forward to going to a zoo - i love zoo's but the Perth zoo is pretty crap in comparison to the one in adelaide and i hear toronga zoo shits all over our zoo. There's a crazy fact bout me - I LOVE zoo's - i'm like a kid when i get there - i just want to see everything the moment i work in and the excitement doesn't pass until long after i've actually left the zoo. I love the otters the most - they are so awesome i love that they preform when they know you're watching - that and they're so damn cute - I'd have one as a pet if it wasn't illegal.

Anyways - off for the coffee now.

Why are alot of the new songs about love or love lost - seriously?  There must be something different to write about  - seriously.

Anyways now thats out of the way - I actually like the love songs being the romantic I am, and when I feel like crap I like the love lost ones - which i guess answers the above question.

Any guesses as to which I'm listening to at the moment? i think I'm tired - and frustrated - guys frustrate me and it probably shouldn't but it does - guess I'm weird like that. Seriously!

I got to work with the kids today at work my oldest patient was 10 - I had a great shift - the kids were so adorable!

I'm looking forward to my holiday, I need the break. I'm very tired. Should be fun i can't wait to chase Kev around the Eastern States - we may even be lucky enough to spot the bloke - make no sense? Well it prob shouldn't right now - but wait til post trip and it will...or the pictures will anyways.

Reading back this is a very disjointed entry...too much going on upstairs me thinks (I watched midsummer nights dream yesterday - it would be one of the best Shakespere plays ever, coming a close second to Romeo & Juiliet, then of course Hamlet would follow Midsummers - we preformed it at school when i was in year 11 - I played the director Quince (I opted to stage manage and therefore needed a short part :) )we did it 80's style and it rocked!! I still listen to the music and smile! I miss acting, it was fun, and there's only so much fooling round you can do round friends til they tell you to quit it.

Shit WTF happened there???

My bad - should probably go and finish watching Samantha Who - which BTW if you haven't seen you should watch its very funny and it has the actress who plays sukie from gilmore girls in it (which also rocks) and I dont mind the boyfriend Todd - he's damn fine - I wouldn't throw him out of bed, the alcoholic best friend is awesome too, and of course the acctress who plays Samantha (I forget her name right now) is awesome - i like that the she can't remember anything so goes to a wedding as a bridesmaid not remembering who the bride is - only to find out she'd been uninvited - so the plot thickens - I like that the whole things is easy comedy and requires little thought on my part.

OK I am seriously off now.

I'm hanging out for May when Sam and I embark on our Kev hunt through the eastern states - which should be fun. We're in the process of booking and planning and stuff - which has been a laugh and a stress as they forgot to send me a confirmation email but preceeded to deduct my account - all sorted now though.

I spoke to him yesterday also - and when he stops being so shy we might get somewhere other then nowhere lol But until then i guess I have to take the reins on it all....sorta with some help...

Anyways works pretty good, still enjoying it. Feeling chronically tired at the moment - even after I wake up - but nevermind - prob just need a holiday - as above!!!

Played guitar hero tonight - cos its "more than a feeling!!!" AND as i drunkeded more I got betterer and actually played decent!

BTW - heard word!!!!

I swear people know you need to talk and then aren't around!!

*sigh*